Sometimes what's right in front of my eyes is there to show me what's keeping me where I am. I was recently shown an exit plan.
My annoyance with someone else's behavior showed me how I use the attitude of being better than they are to keep me distanced from them. My self-righteousness grew. I thought: Who does she think she is? I would never act like that! My condescension increased: I feel sorry for her. Clearly, she's unhappy. My refusal to see below the surface of this scene increased my suffering.
The next day brought disappointment, she ruined my day after all. More thoughts followed like, I'm too annoyed to be inspired. I'm not going to write today. Along with the anger came some melancholic brooding, then guilt for being intolerant, followed by beating myself up for allowing someone to now ruin two days.
This morning it was time for some power honesty. What's keeping me from just forgiving this person? What's holding me back from that? More annoying to me than this person's behavior was how I responded with superiority. I felt ashamed for responding the way I did even if it was all in my mind. Maybe the scene was set for me to forgive us both our humanity. I can do that; there's no shame in humility. I'm grateful for the bridge to a deeper connection.
So tired of telling myself I don't have time to take a nap or hang out, just sit with the coffee or call my friend and go to lunch.
So tired of telling myself the beautiful magazine is too much; there's no time to pet the dog, much less, walk.
So tired of telling myself there's not enough time to create, paint or write.
Rewind the type.
I see what I'm creating.